i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
