R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
