Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
