Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
