Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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