If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
