Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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