You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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