i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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