when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
So here I am, sexting at work.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
