see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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