In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize