So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
