I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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