the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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