dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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