I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
