last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
