She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize