Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
