If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
