please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
