When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
