I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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