and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
