went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i was born a porn star she said
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
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