pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize