I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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