i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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