he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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