i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize