My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
