We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
