so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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