Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize