What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
