I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
