drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize