So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
