Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
