SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
