someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
