Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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