Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
These tits shall not be calmed
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
