Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize