Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
