It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It's rum buckets o'clock
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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