yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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