evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
