I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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