i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Randomize
