Dude my mom stole all your condoms
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
