brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
