Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
