i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
