sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
