Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
