i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
