we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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