thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
false alarm, still single
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
