he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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