When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
