She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
