just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
this will be a night to untag.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
