I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
