ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
