And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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