just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
