Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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