Already got asked if we're dating
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
