around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
