Pappa wants mamma naked
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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