Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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