Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
