For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
