I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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