He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
