I just cut my nipple shaving
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
