that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you didnt know i had herpes?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
