do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
