He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You were trust falling into bushes
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
