Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
