just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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