I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Randomize
