Your tits are I can't wait for
grandma shit on top of the toilet
This show inspires me to have sex in space
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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