I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
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