I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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