Define "chronic" masturbator.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
