There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
