What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
