just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
