I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
