how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize