Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
