im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
