he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
