so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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